July 28, 2026
Dear Leland and Everett,
As expected, our weekend was exciting and eventful. Also as expected, by Monday everyone was ready to decompress. For reasons still unclear to me, I slept horribly Sunday night and felt awful yesterday (Monday). At first I thought I had heartburn. Looking back, my symptoms were consistent with a stomach virus. The problem with the stomach bug hypothesis is that I don’t think I ate anything others didn’t also eat, and I seem to be the only one with symptoms. Fortunately I got a great night sleep last night and, while I don’t feel 100%, at least feel much closer to normal.
I was pretty appreciative of how everyone responded to my not feeling well. None of the reactions were new or unique, but I certainly don’t take them for granted. When I tried waking Leland up yesterday I told him that I needed his help because I didn’t feel well, and that I wouldn’t be able to “rough him up” (our term for roughhousing) as part of his waking up routine. Leland responded from what seemed like a dead sleep, half turning his body to put one arm around me and give a half hug. Given how little Leland enjoys hugs and how absolutely dead asleep he otherwise appeared, this seemed like a truly generous outpouring of support. Later, I attempted to take the two of you to school. Fortunately, your mom (unusually) joined us (she’s normally working), because she and I were due to go watch a movie together afterward (it was still Sunday in the US, after all). Well, I had to duck out while your mom and Everett scouted a bakery because I suddenly but desperately needed to vomit. When I came back Leland was carefully watching me, and when I asked for a tissue, quickly rifled through his backpack to find a pack. Once your mom and Everett returned from the bakery, we decided that I would go home while your mom would take you to school. As you walked off, Leland turned around to give me a hand signal as if to say “don’t worry Dad, I got this”.
According to your mom, Leland then turned and said “don’t worry Mom, I’ll show you how to get there”. Your mom hasn’t ridden the MRT nearly as many times as we have, and so isn’t particularly familiar with navigating her way around the MRT. It doesn’t help that ours is the busiest MRT station in all of Taipei, making navigation all the more difficult.
And…truth be told, your mom doesn’t have the best sense of direction to begin with. I often tease your mom with different versions of “I love you; I didn’t marry you for your sense of direction”. To be fair, I don’t have the best sense of direction either. And one thing I think I’ve noticed about those lacking a good sense of direction is a lack of practice. Generally people travel in groups, and those groups quietly separate into those who know (and thus lead) the way, and those who follow while focusing energy on the group dynamics along the way. Growing up, I rarely knew where I was going because I was merely paying attention to my group. I think Everett mostly travels the same way. And, so far as I can tell, this is broadly true of your mom as well, at least outside particularly well worn and familiar routes.
Leland, I’m starting to appreciate, appears to have an excellent sense of direction. It runs in the family: apparently Ah Gong had an outstanding sense of direction, as did your Uncle (your mom’s brother). When she was young, your mom told Ah Ma that your Uncle should be a taxi driver when he grew up (the implication being he had such a good sense of direction); I’ve always thought this reflected a telling compliment: your mom is quietly quite competitive, especially with her twin brother, and I think this was her tacit acknowledgement that he was better than her at something. I could be wrong, but I don’t think your mom acknowledged (either then or now) that there are too many things her brother does better than her.
During our time in Taiwan, Leland has quietly led us through the MRT stations each time we’ve traveled. We’ve mostly eaten dinner around our area; around Taipei Main Station is a massive underground network of shops and restaurants. This network is segmented in ways I find deeply confusing, and from talking to others I trust I’m far from alone in my confusion. Leland does not seem to struggle. For one thing, I’ve noticed Leland appears capable of retracing his steps after traveling to a location a single time. For another, Leland appears to be able to backtrack comfortably from locations he’s visiting for the first time. Finally, so far as I can tell, Leland seems to be able to understand where locations should be, connecting the dots between multiple prior trips to understand how to find the target endpoint even from a previously unused route. And he’s doing almost all of this without hesitation, quietly just walking out front of the group and guiding us to our destination. I’ve explored our area quite a bit more than Leland (I walked the area pretty extensively; I like to orient myself via exploration when traveling to new destinations); even still, I feel like I am just now catching up to where Leland was a week ago in terms of my ability to navigate my way around the area where we are staying.
At the end of the school day I still wasn’t feeling well enough to go out, so your mom came to pick you guys up. She unfortunately went the wrong way on the MRT (that sense of direction rearing its head again), and was late coming to get you guys. She and I assumed you would wait for her at our agreed upon meeting point. But we also have AirTags in your backpacks that allow us to know where you are, and I started checking once I knew your mom was running late. I texted your mom, “I hope Find My is wrong, because it looks like the kids are near [the MRT station near school]”. Your mom responded “they were”. You guys had apparently decided to come home by yourselves; thankfully you ran smack into your mom as she was coming out of the station and you were going in. You likely suspected I didn’t feel well enough to come, and apparently hadn’t made explicit arrangements with your mom on where to meet, so decided to just go home together. Frankly, I don’t think you would have had any trouble getting home: especially yesterday, Leland was focused and I’m quite sure would have made sure both he and Everett got home safely.
There’s an interesting minor point here. Leland is more than capable of navigating himself. Everett, partly because he is younger, and partly because he is likely less gifted at navigation than Leland, is not. When focused, like he was yesterday, Leland is more than capable of leading his brother home safely. Like most boys his age, Leland can also get lazy and sloppy in the grind of day-to-day life. It’s in the unfocused sloppiness that we worry Leland might lose track of his brother…at which point who knows what Everett might do? [Everett’s reactions to getting lost or abandoned are fascinating in their own right; I am reminded to do a post on this topic, hopefully soon.]
Your mom took you to a foodcourt downstairs from our apartment. I believe at Leland’s request, your mom gave Leland money, at which point Leland helped each of your order food at different spots; between Leland’s introversion, historical aversion to speaking Chinese, and typical reluctance to help his brother, this was notable behavior that I interpret as a new level of leadership and maturity.
After dinner (and desert), Leland apparently asked Mom if she knew her way home. When Mom confirmed, Leland hopped up and put on his backpack, announcing he was going to check on Dad. This felt like the final thoughtful act in a day full of them from a rapidly maturing boy. Some days maturation means testing boundaries; those days are inherently less fun (at least for me), but no less necessary for your development. Days like yesterday are pretty rewarding, when we get to see you develop into more mature, capable, thoughtful versions of yourself.
Leland wasn’t the only member of the family who stepped up. Your mom, to her credit, always fills in the gaps when I am not feeling well. Thanks to your mom’s efforts, I always feel like I have the space to focus on recovery; I don’t take that for granted, and am always grateful and somewhat amazed at her ability to take over my duties in addition to her own whenever I am under the weather (which, thankfully, is not too terribly often).
Everett made fewer obvious contributions in my relative absence, but that’s fine. Leadership from the front is not his role – certainly not yet anyway. Everett is only 8 after all. Perhaps more importantly, he’ll always be the baby of the family, and as such it will be awhile before we lean on him to lead the charge in various activities. I used to tell people at work that leadership takes various forms, and that one can lead from the back just as effectively as from the front. I watched high functioning leadership teams, and noticed that when new challenges arose they tended to rotate who would lead from the front; everyone else would fall in and support the leader and ensure they had maximum odds of success. Some might argue that what I am describing is following; I disagree. My distinction might be pedantic, and if you want to adjust the labels for your own use, feel free. But following can take infinite forms: one can follow willingly or unwillingly, reluctantly or eagerly, in a supportive or unsupportive manner. To me, when one takes as much ownership and accountability for reaching the objective as the person leading from the front, that’s leadership.
When humans travel on foot, we quietly and (usually) unconsciously fall into formation. Someone instinctively takes the lead, and someone else instinctively takes a position at the back. One might imagine, particularly in more dangerous times, that the person in front took the role of navigation while also protecting the group from attacks originating in front of the group; the person in the back, meanwhile, ensured that the group remained together and protected the group from attacks from the back. Over time, this formation became effectively hardwired into us; watch virtually any group travel together, and you will quickly see people fall into their roles. The leader from the front and the leader from the back aren’t necessarily the highest status individuals (though they often are, or at least among the highest status), but they are both playing leadership roles for that particular expedition.
Personally, I am far more comfortable leading from the rear than I am from the front. Instinctively, I almost always take up the rear position in any walking group. The front-facing leader needs to navigate (not what I do best) and make decisive decision on behalf of the group (not my favorite thing to do). For me, keeping the group together, relaying feedback to the front (if we need the group to stop on behalf of someone, for example), and making sure everyone is safe comes more naturally. The same was true of my career: I was more comfortable leading from the back – keeping the group cohesive, ensuring everyone was set up for individual success, and giving folks rotating opportunities to lead from he front. One of the things I noticed over the course of my career, and especially later in my career at Apple, was that American culture tends to recognize, appreciate, and reward leadership from the front more than leadership from the back. I’m not sure which I find more valuable, but I strongly suspect leadership-from-the-back is undervalued in American business culture. Then again, of course I would think the skill at which I excel is undervalued.
My point is not necessarily to intimate that Everett will, like his dad, always prefer leading from the back. What I am saying is that Everett did contribute yesterday by being a willing, supportive, agreeable follower. Someday his leadership style will emerge; for what we needed yesterday, Everett played his role.
Everett woke up this morning far happier and energetic than he’s been on the entire trip. Your mom and I went to lunch together, and I noticed she is more upbeat today as well. What I am starting to suspect is that you all benefitted from some extra time together. You both have gotten a lot of dad time on this trip and over the course of the summer. And while your mom has been around a perfectly reasonable amount, she’s faced more work stress than usual of late, and she was gone for a week just recently. You have seen your mom a pretty normal amount since her return from her business trip, but our weekends have been filled with socializing, so you’ve interacted more with your peers and less with your parents. My point being, I think you guys were facing something of a deficit of quality time with your mom, and I think you guys really enjoyed, appreciated, and benefited from having some dedicated mom time last night. Everett and Mom especially showed noticeable mood improvements, which brought me joy to observe.
Now we approach the end of our trip. While we don’t leave for another five days, your mom and I are starting to recognize the need to plan for the end. Similarly, I am realizing this is likely my last opportunity to write on this trip. Tomorrow I return to help the friend who broke her back earlier on the trip. Thursday your mom is taking the day off, and we will need to pack up and get ready to check out of our place, because on Friday you guys have final performances to which we are invited before we check out of our rental apartment and head to our hotel for a final weekend of fun together before we fly home.
But those are details for later. For now, it is time for me to come get you and take you guys out for dinner (your mom and I had a late lunch, so probably won’t eat much tonight). Pretty soon we’ll start to discuss whether we’ve enjoyed the trip, and whether we want to do it again next year. Your mom and I already discussed, and already vote yes. Leland seems to be having so much fun that I cannot imagine he would say no. And Everett seems to have grown into the program this year, and seems to be enjoying learning Chinese more than before. For Everett the highlight of the trip is hanging out with his friends that live here. So long as they live here, I suspect he’ll want to return. But we shall see, and that is a conversation for another day. For now, if I don’t leave soon to pick you up at school, who knows where I will find you?
[The answer, as it turns out, was the train station.]
I love you both.
Love,
Dad
P.S. Tonight after dinner, right before heading off to bed, Everett said apropos of nothing “I really want to go back to Singapore” and then started to leave for bed. I immediately called you back playfully, “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come back here!”. After you rejoined your mother and me (Leland was in another room), I asked what you liked about Singapore. “It’s so beautiful.” I asked you to name a specific thing that was beautiful…and then I asked you to name however many you could think of. You listed the Merlion, the Marina Bay Sands, the Zoo, and the Botanic Gardens. That’s…most of what we did in Singapore.
Mom, sounding slightly wounded, asked if you also liked Taiwan (I think she was worried you were trying to suggest you liked Singapore but not Taiwan). You turned around and gave her your “don’t ask silly questions” look, which put that concern to bed quickly. I asked, if you had to make the decision right now (and understanding that you could change your mind later), would you want to come back and do the trip again next year. You didn’t hesitate: yes.
Letters to Leland 