May 8, 2026
Dear Leland and Everett,
One final note before the weekend. No preamble today; let’s jump right in.
As part of my first vision, I saw a storm cloud formulating on the horizon. The storm cloud was slightly to the right of center, approximately one o’clock in orientation. I intuitively understood that the clouds represented a rise in darkness, or what we might commonly refer to as evil. Even in late 2021 (when I had the experience) the idea that evil might be rising would have been far from controversial; indeed, though I don’t recall it being talked about in such terms, I thought at the time we all felt it on some level.
Anyway, in response to the storm clouds forming, I raised an army and rode out to face the darkness in battle. (Afterward, I was pretty horrified at the militant nature of the journey, but it’s what happened.) Interestingly, I sorta got stuck during the face-off. I felt myself gearing up to fight, but also felt a strange tension…and almost a recognition that what I was pursuing wasn’t quite right. Perhaps said differently: my programming had me convinced that battle was inevitable, but some other part of me understood this wasn’t the way.
What happened next confused me for a long time: I ultimately sorta went around the storm clouds and continued on my journey. I took off armor that until then I had not realized I was wearing. Taking off the armor felt lighter and freeing. I sensed that I no longer needed the armor, though I found myself surprised to believe the armor wouldn’t be necessary.
Over the next couple of years I came to understand that taking off the armor would reflect (predict?) my spiritual journey. Particularly during the St Ignatius exercises, but even before, I found myself removing layer after layer of emotional and spiritual armor. The experience always reminded me of the story of Eustace in the Chronicles of Narnia.
What surprised me was what happened toward the end of the St Ignatius exercises, now a couple of years ago. In what turned out to be one of my last visions (and boy, do I miss them), I once again saw the storm clouds formulating on the horizon. This time, however, instead of raising an army I just set out to approach the storm. When I approached the darkness, I found myself again confused by what to do. I even asked: what do I do now? To my surprise, the answer came to me: “be the light”. Quick aside: this experience surprised me because I hadn’t received many messages, just visions. It’s not entirely accurate to say I heard the message, more that the message seemed telepathically imprinted in my consciousness. That may sound strange, but it’s the best I can do to describe what I experienced. Anyway, I found myself channeling my inner light. At that point, the darkness overtook me. It felt something like dark winds blowing all around, enveloping me in the storm. I started to realize that the storm seemed far larger and stronger than my light, and so I asked “what if my light is not enough”? The answer came immediately: “trust that others will show up with their light”. At this point, I looked around and saw flickers of light through breaks in the dark winds.
[An aside less relevant for today’s note: on the way out to the storm cloud I found myself passing by other, lesser storms. I found myself tempted to bring light to these lesser spots of darkness. I ‘heard’ a message suggest that I should let others bring their light to these spots of darkness, and that I should focus my light on the big source of darkness. On reflection, I felt somewhat sheepish about this experience: my ego naturally wants me to skip (or gloss) over small problems and focus on big problems. I tend to treat small problems as beneath me, reflecting an arrogance I don’t find particularly attractive. Nevertheless, the message seemed pretty clear. I’ve come to think that the overarching point is a useful one: that I will understand the problems I am meant to solve and, though I may be tempted (including by others), it is important for me not to get distracted attempting to solve problems that others were meant to solve.]
This subsequent vision seemed as if it completed the original vision, and somehow explained the confusion in the original. In the original vision I assumed the darkness needed to be fought and conquered, and the best I could do at the time was to recognize that fighting wasn’t the answer (and that I needed to remove my armor). Armor removed, I was then prepared to understand how one should face the darkness: by being a source of light. Since then, I’ve had a directional sense for what that meant, though never a particularly precise understanding.
As strange as this might sound, a large portion of my life since late 2021 has been spent preparing to face the darkness. On some level, I understood that potentially dark times approached, and that I would have some role to play in confronting those dark times. On some level I understood that I was by no means prepared to face those storms. Taking stock, I realized I was exhausted mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. This realization led (or at least significantly contributed) to me quitting my job and taking the last few years off.
I originally assumed that the storm clouds reflected something that would happen in society at large, but over time came to wonder whether they merely reflected storms that were likely to rise within me. Something changed for me when Charlie Kirk was assassinated. Kirk was an odd public figure: he was a Christian media content creator and political organizer who engaged as enthusiastically in politics as he did in matters of faith. His mix of politics and religion reflected something I had not seen before. I was by no means a follower of Kirk’s content, but I was generally aware of his existence.
For whatever reason, I felt the impact of Kirk’s assassination deeply. It seemed clear to me that something fundamental had changed in the world. Oddly, for the first time, I felt my experiences in the world reminding me of the dark clouds forming on the horizon. This sensation is hard to describe, but one I’ve experienced several times before: I get this clear sense that I am watching my visions play out in the real world, as if fulfilling a prophecy. The Kirk assassination felt precisely the same as so many prior experiences. On some level this felt like my invitation to set out to face the storm clouds.
Over the course of the following weekend, I had three strange experiences. I won’t go into the individual details partly to protect the privacy of others involved, but also because the individual details don’t matter. What matters is the overarching experience. The only thing I will say is that the three different experiences happened in different locations while interacting with different people (or, in one instance, a group of people).
In all three instances, I first felt a huge surge in energy from roughly my gut. What happened next surprised me: I felt something of an invitation to surrender to the experience. I had experienced this invitation to surrender before, but only in my meditations; this was the first time I had experienced the sensation in daily life. In all three experiences I surrendered to the sensation and found myself (and this is the best way I know how to describe it) allowing myself to say the things that wanted to be expressed. Very broadly, I felt words sorta coming to me as I expressed them in real time, without the intellectual filter I would normally overlay. I found myself, in all three instances, pretty surprised by what I said. Indeed, upon reflection I even felt pretty uncomfortable by what I had said: these were clearly not sentiments I would normally feel comfortable relaying. Generally I was speaking far more directly, emotionally, and forcefully than I find comfortable. And yet, I found myself ultimately at peace: something had clearly wanted to be expressed in those moments, and I had honored that experience; I was prepared to live with whatever outcome.
Each situation played out differently. In multiple situations I perceived something of a shift in those around me, as if something had pierced through and perhaps woken something in my counterpart. I found those outcomes deeply gratifying.
Those experiences happened in September last year, so several months ago. Since that time I’ve not had other experiences as obvious as those. I’ll admit: I assumed these would be the first of many such experiences, and began looking for them. I wonder whether I was forcing things, and perhaps even blocking my ability to have similar experiences by attempting to force the issue.
For whatever reason, I felt the need to write about this story today. Perhaps I just needed to get it out. To some degree, this is just the layer of clutter most observable today, so is the layer of clutter I feel invited to address.
On some level, it seems pretty clear to me that darkness is rising in the world today. I think many would agree with me on that count. Most of my compatriots seem determined to blame and attack their perceived enemies, whether they be spouses, children, or rival political parties. What I think they fail to recognize is that these efforts, in fact, feed the darkness and its spread. The answer, I strongly suspect, is to let go of our emotional and spiritual armor so that we might channel our inner light in the dark. In my experience, letting go of emotional and spiritual armor is not something one can do solo. Like Eustace, we seem to need help from a higher power. In my experience, as mentioned before, this comes in the form of intention and surrender: when we ask for help letting go of our armor (and the accompanying baggage, or trauma, or demons – these experiences have gone by different names in different eras), God helps us identify where we are holding onto armor, and the underlying experiences the armor was created to protect. When we let those parts of us heal, we feel lighter and freer, but we also feel a void. Eventually, something new grows in the void, and we start to understand why we needed to let go of that armor and the accompanying trauma: to make space for the new thing to grow.
I’ve started to wonder whether I am indeed meant to raise an army, though it’s quite clear that the army is not meant to do battle. I wonder whether I am meant to help others heal that they might join me in shining their light in the rising storm. The answer isn’t clear. What is clear is that I will know what actions to take when the time comes. In the meantime, I find myself attempting to clear out any and all potential blockages, that I might receive and share light with as little obstruction as possible.
I love you both. Wish me luck. I might need it.
Love you,
Dad
Letters to Leland 