October 28, 2024
Dear Leland and Everett,
As I approach a month since my fast ended, I thought it might be worth a quick note describing what has happened since.
First, my doctor visit. My doctor admitted to being a little nervous when he heard the duration of my fast. When he saw me he intimated with some surprise that I looked good and seemed well. We did some bloodwork, which came back normal or close to normal. He tested blood count, iron, B12, electrolytes, kidney and liver function: all came back normal and in range for prior tests. Glucose and HbA1c were normal and lower than prior tests, though perhaps not as low as I might have expected for two weeks after a fast. I had some protein levels that were lower than the target range, but the doctor thought those would improve with a normal diet. I asked the doctor to test for testosterone; interestingly, it increased by 175 ng/dL vs my prior test a year and a half ago. I had stopped taking my statins during the fast, and my lipid profile improved relative to prior to taking statins, but not where they had been while I took statins; thus, I have resumed my meds. Overall, the fast appears to have had limited negative impact, and perhaps had some mildly positive impact on my health (which is what I would have expected).
I’ve regained most of the muscle I lost, though not all. I’ve gained back a few (about 5) pounds of fat from the end of the fast. I sense that my mobility has improved, though that’s a little hard to measure. Some of the increased mobility likely comes from a smaller tummy impeding fewer movements. But some of the increased mobility seems to be in areas unimpacted by my gut; I don’t know why that would be, but want to record the observation nonetheless. In much the same way I thoroughly enjoyed food, particularly the first few days after the fast ended, I am finding that I thoroughly enjoy exercise. I enjoy moving my body, and even enjoy the feeling of soreness the day (or more) afterward.
Not everything has been positive. Since the end of the fast I’ve been somewhat overwhelmed by mental chatter. During the fast I noticed that the mental chatter, particularly related to food, consumed much of my attention. I also noticed that I was able to reign in the mental chatter as the fast progressed. By the end, my mind was pretty quiet. After the fast ended, the mental chatter returned with something of a vengeance. Perhaps this makes intuitive sense: my ego did not enjoy being so vulnerable, and really wants to reassert itself as I return back to a “normal” lifestyle. My minister, when I shared the finding that I’d been overwhelmed by mental noise, offered an interesting anecdote: there are two passages related to Jesus’ time in the wilderness; one passage intimates that Satan tempts Jesus while he’s in the desert fasting, while the other passage intimates Satan tempts Jesus after he returns from he wilderness. I’ve since read both passages and do not see the distinction my minister offered, though I will note that it’s at least somewhat ambiguous as to when Jesus faces the temptation. The significance, I think, is that it’s at least possible that my experience of fighting “chatter”, “noise”, or “temptation” after the fast ended is less unusual than I might assume.
Eating and exercise have been a particular challenge. For one thing, I wanted to recover my lost muscle (and strength) as quickly as possible. For another, I wanted to take advantage of the lost weight, and perhaps continue losing weight. And finally, I wanted to enjoy food again, especially the social aspect of sharing meals with loved ones. While these goals are not completely opposed to one another, they are not entirely consistent. And so I have found myself bouncing between consuming more protein (including meat) than before in an effort to gain muscle and enjoying more “cheat” meals than normal. More importantly, I found myself obsessing over my eating and workout plan, before realizing that I was missing a large learning from the fast itself. One of the key takeaways from the fast was feeling connected with my body (through discomfort, and a willingness to experience the discomfort); suddenly I was trying to micromanage my food intake to achieve an objective, and losing the connection with my body. I decided a couple weeks ago to obsess less over any specific eating plan and try to be more mindful. Since then, sadly, my eating habits have not improved. I’m becoming more aware when I eat compulsively, and observing opportunities to make small but presumably important changes. I’m hopeful and optimistic that, with intention, those observations will slowly turn into actions and changed behavior. We shall see.
I wish I had bigger news to share. I wish I had more profound results, and more concrete lessons and learnings. Truthfully though, I sense I’ve gotten from this experience what I was meant to, and now it is up to me to integrate those learnings into my life and actions. I’ll admit to struggling with the integration, but am committed to the effort. Wish me luck.
I love you,
Dad
Letters to Leland 