September 3, 2025
Dear Leland and Everett,
Summer break ended a couple weeks ago; you guys are back in school, and we are trying to get back into a rhythm with the start of the school year. This summer was pretty packed, or at least it felt that way to me. We took a pretty different approach to summer this year versus past years. Until now, summer breaks have been filled with “summer camp” type activities, where we drop you off in the morning and pick you up at either 3pm or 6pm. In other words, in past years your summers have been minimally disruptive to your mom and my daily and weekly routine, except that we have to pack you a lunch and the pickup and drop-off locations and routines are slightly different.
This summer I only enrolled you in camp for a couple of weeks. I probably would have done more, but our trip to Taiwan made scheduling camps a little challenging. We left for Taiwan midweek and came home midweek, preventing us from scheduling camps either of those two weeks. I was somewhat surprised to learn how few camps ran the week of July 4, which landed on a Friday this year. Those three weeks, plus the more than three weeks in Taiwan, plus a week visiting your Uncle and a couple weeks at summer camp…that was the summer in a nutshell.
As the summer approached I started to realize just how much time I would be spending with the two of you, which simultaneously excited and scared me. Excited because I genuinely enjoy spending time with the two of you; scared because I was a little worried that the summer would go off the rails and we would all be sick of each other by the end of it. Ultimately I found myself sorta glad to let you both experience a summer more like what I remember growing up: a seemingly endless string of days with no plans and nothing to do, except for whatever we might want. The difference is that, for my generation, looking for something to do meant going outside and finding friends to play with all day long. Adults don’t let your generation go out unsupervised (though I’m pleased to report that might be changing, slowly), and so you don’t have quite the same opportunities to explore the world and relationships with kids your age the way I did during the summers of my youth.
In some ways, during our weeks at home we managed to simulate summer the way I remember it as much as possible. One of your closest friends happened to have open weeks (e.g. at home with no summer camp) the same weeks we did. So his mom and I arranged playdates almost daily. Some days we would go somewhere and let you guys explore, like looking for crayfish under a bridge or just heading to a park (or your school playground) for a few hours of outside play. Other days we just went over to your friend’s house and let you all play together there. Unfortunately (at least from my perspective), the thing you guys wanted to do most was play video games. You guys were quite determined to play video games, to the point where I started to wonder of the desire was healthy.
Compounding my concern, an afternoon spent playing video games rarely ended on a positive note. Generally the mood descended into contention. Often Everett would feel picked on, ganged up on by the older kids. Less often but still common, your friend seemed to get disregulated, often becoming kinda mean and aggressive after a few hours of video games. I found myself wanting to (and at times trying to) nudge you guys away from playing video games and into more physically active pursuits. I noticed that your friend’s mom generally agreed with me, but had a higher tolerance for video games than I did; I kinda sense she has fond memories of playing video games as a child, and wants to share that experience with her kids. I didn’t play video games very much as a kid, and don’t have particularly fond memories of video games. And so I noticed how I seemed to have the lowest tolerance for video games out of anyone.
Fortunately, I think you both started to notice for yourselves the limitations on the joys that come from playing video games. As mentioned, Everett repeatedly came home frustrated from the feeling of being picked on. Leland had fewer negative experiences, but did notice how your friend turned kinda mean on occasion during video games. This allowed us to have some healthy conversations around why playing video games endlessly might not be as much fun as we might think. On one particular day, your friend started playing by himself. After a fair amount of time, I started to suspect he had no intention of stopping or sharing any time soon. It was close enough to the end of the day that I asked if you guys wanted to go home. You both expressed a desire to play, which prompted you to ask the friend if you could play. He responded with comments like “I just want to find this one more thing”. After a few minutes, I would inquire again, repeating the cycle. After a few cycles, Leland started to recognize for himself that your friend didn’t seem to want to share. He made a few more attempts, and eventually gave up and we left. I don’t think your friend even put the controller down to say goodbye that day; I’m not entirely sure he noticed we left, even though we made a point of saying goodbye to his mom and sisters. That day proved to be a useful learning opportunity in terms of understanding how we don’t control others actions, only how we react. We couldn’t make your friend share his video games with us, but we could decide whether we preferred to stay and watch or to leave; and so we left. I was proud of you, Leland, for coming to that conclusion on your own, and I was glad for the opportunity to discuss it with you. I hope that proves to be a useful learning experience.
Of course, the highlight of the summer was the trip to Taiwan. As you know, we enrolled you in a three-week Chinese language program designed for non-native speakers. You participated with kids your age from all over, but mostly from America. Your mom and I had three objectives. First, we wanted to give you a more intensive exposure to Chinese than you experience at home (with Saturday school). Second, we hoped to develop slightly more positive associations with learning Chinese. Before the trip, you guys seemed to really dislike learning Chinese, so we hoped that by associating learning Chinese with the joys of traveling to Taiwan, you would start to inherently enjoy the process of learning Chinese. Finally, we hoped to help you understand *why* learning Chinese was important. In America, where everyone speaks English, it can be hard to understand why anyone would want to go through the challenging and discomforting work of learning a new language. We hoped being in Taiwan would help you appreciate how valuable knowing Chinese can be by opening up your ability to speak with folks there who don’t speak English.
It’s early to declare total victory, but the early returns from the trip are clearly positive. Not only did you enjoy the trip, but you enjoyed your Chinese classes. For Leland, you were able to recognize how much Chinese you were learning, and were pretty excited about it; I’ve never seen you enjoy learning Chinese so much before. And when your mom wasn’t around (because she was working), you knew you couldn’t rely on me to speak Chinese for you. On some occasions, you served as interpreter for vendors who didn’t speak English, but could understand it well enough: they would ask me a question in Mandarin, which you would translate for me, and I would respond in English. You received several compliments for your ability to help your dad on those occasions, which I think flattered you and I’ll admit made me proud. On other occasions, you would ask if you could buy a treat at one of the night markets, and I would say yes, but that you had to order for yourself. And so you did, often in Mandarin, and I think those experiences gave you confidence.
When your Saturday school started up again, we asked them to assess Leland’s ability. They assessed you could skip two years worth of classes, jumping from from their level 2 to level 4. Partly I think you had been in too easy a class last year, but I also think what you learned, and your willingness to demonstrate what you knew, played a big role in your ability to jump two levels. Best of all, the teachers told us it was important that you go over the content in level 3, to make sure you learned any words covered there which you didn’t already know. So for the last two weeks, you have spent 15-20 minutes a night reviewing the level 3 book with your Ah Ma. You have approached those lessons willingly and without objection; I won’t go so far as to describe your participating as ‘enthusiastic’, but I also don’t think it would be a huge exaggeration had I. Taken overall, your relationship to learning Chinese seems to have changed completely, and I’m thrilled.
Everett, you did not skip two years worth of class like your brother, and that’s perfectly fine. You are two and a half years younger, after all, and you had previously been at the same level. The program in Taiwan assessed he was slightly more advanced than you, which makes sense given he’s older and had more exposure to Chinese (not least because we had him in Chinese afterschool for two years while you were still in preschool on the same campus, whereas we enrolled you both in on-campus – thus, English based – afterschool when you started Kindergarten). And, oh by the way, you have a good friend in your Saturday school this year, and you are excited to see her on Saturdays. So while we may see if we can accelerate your Chinese learning later on, we have plenty of time to do so.
Of course, the trip to Taiwan wasn’t all about learning Chinese. We arrived the Thursday before class started to give ourselves time to settle in and adjust to the time zones. Your Uncle joined us for that first weekend, which turned into a whirlwind. We saw multiple friends that weekend: my best friend’s family was there (the mom and kids spend most summers in Taiwan; indeed we got the idea from them), two of Leland’s classmates were there (one was even in the same program), and of course we have our local friends that we see anytime we come. Friday through Sunday were completely jammed with social activities, such that we were all pretty exhausted by the time school started on Monday. And so we took Monday night pretty easy, wandering the local night market for food to bring home and eat. As the week continued and we recovered from the weekend and you made new friends at school, you began to ask us to let you hang out with your friends after school. Somewhere along the way we ran into your friend with his family in the night market. We chatted with his dad while we let you guys run off to play and explore a bit. They were from London; the dad was Armenian but (by his accent) clearly grew up in the UK, while the mom was from Korea (and from her accent, she sounded like a recent expat). I’m still not totally clear why this friend was learning Chinese, but you enjoyed your time with him, and we enjoyed our time visiting with his parents.
Your Uncle left the Sunday before school started, but your Gran arrived the middle of that first week. Your Gran and I (and your mom her last week there, when she took a week off of work) explored Taipei while you were in class. I really enjoyed getting to show your Gran (my mom) around Taipei; this was my sixth trip, and I loved telling Gran all about Taiwan every time we went, but I really, really enjoyed showing her as many of the things I loved about Taiwan as I could. Gran and I went to Shifen and Jiufen, we spent multiple days at the National Palace Museum, explored at an antique shop and got massages with your mom, and of course had some wonderful lunches (highlighted by a trip to Din Tai Fung with your mom). I anticipate I will cherish sharing that experience with your Gran.
Our weeks fell into a pattern: recovering from the weekend on Mondays, then slowly building up toward the weekend with increasing levels of activity after school, finishing with a completely jam packed social calendar during the weekends. Early in the week we typically picked up dinners at the local night market; as the week progressed we often met up with friends (typically your friend from London) or went out to dinner somewhere new. One week we even attended a local baseball game, which was really fun (suffice to say that watching a baseball game in Taiwan is a completely different experience than going to a game in the US). By the weekend we were back to meeting up with friends. All our US-based friends left before we did, so we made a point of meeting up with them on the weekends when they were here. After they left, I was shocked at how much time we were able to spend with our local friends: I assumed they would have other plans, but they were mostly able to carve out time to spend with us. We explored night markets, ran around malls to get out of the heat, took in street performances (including a pretty cool diabolo, or Chinese yoyo, performance), ate pineapple cakes, took in a space museum, took in some amusement park and water park rides, took your Gran up to the top of Taipei 101, and of course played some games and ate lots and lots of delicious food. Everett was even able to join a couple gymnastics classes, which you seemed to enjoy. Leland managed to take in a movie with a friend. We made a point to hit your favorites as often as possible, so we at sushi, boba, dumplings (including Din Tai Fung), and snow ice over and over again. At the night markets you guys found games you liked to play, and you reminded us of a Taiwanese pinball game you remembered from a prior trip; our local friends helped us find a place, and you guys spent the better part of two evenings playing pinball with your friends.
The last weekend, we decided to get away from our AirBnB for a night and checked into a local hotel. I’m glad we did: we all seem to enjoy hotel experiences, particularly when the stays are short. The hotel had a pool, so our local friends joined us while you spent hours splashing and jumping in the pool together. We rinsed off and went out for ramen, where Everett managed to score a ramen in a shrimp broth (something I’d never seen before, but something perfectly designed for Everett). Of course, we finished the night with some shave ice. The next morning was Monday, but fortunately one of your friends was able to join us in the morning while we took in the hotel buffet and went back to the pool for a couple more hours of fun. We checked out and headed back to our AirBnB, where I started packing while you guys watched some TV. We met up with the rest of our friends for an active game I can’t describe, one last trip through the night market, and one last stop for snow ice. The next morning we woke up early to head for the airport.
By the end our time in Taiwan, as much fun as we had, we were all ready to come home. Similarly, by the end of the summer, you both were ready to go back to school. I took that as a positive sign; I remember always being ready for school by the end of summer, which felt like success: having had enough unstructured time and fun, I was ready to see my friends again and (if I’m being completely honest) ready for a little structure again. And so it was with you, which made me feel like we’d had a pretty great summer. I know I will remember it.
I love you both.
Love,
Dad
Letters to Leland 