February 26, 2025
Dear Leland and Everett,
Y’all had last weekend off from school. California, unlike other places I’ve lived, takes a week off of school in February. I thought it was formally called “winter break”, but you insist that name refers to the Christmas and New Year’s break. You refer to last week as “February break”, which seems a horribly uninteresting name. Colloquially it’s referred to as “ski week”, because families commonly use the break to go into the Sierra Nevadas and ski. I am not much of a skier, so we used the trip to go to Texas, my home state, instead.
More than anything, the trip served as something of a pilgrimage for me. I spent my first 24 years in Texas, and then the next 10 or so returning annually (or more) to see family. But as your mother and I were moving to Singapore in 2019, my parents were moving to the Seattle area to live near my sister and her family (who had moved there just a few months earlier). Since then, our reasons for returning dwindled. We made one trip to San Antonio in 2016, when Leland was less than a year old, to see my ailing Granddad one final time. Prior to last week, that was my last trip to Texas, nine years ago.
For the last year or two I’ve felt a strange desire to get back to Texas. I’m not entirely sure why, only that Texas feels like part of who I am, and I think I felt a desire to reconnect with that aspect of myself. But Texas is a big state, so deciding where to go proved difficult. My childhood friends, whom I haven’t seen in probably two decades, are concentrated in the Dallas and Houston areas; I’d like to plan a reunion with them someday. At some point I’d like to take you boys to my hometown, which I also haven’t visited in twenty years. Ultimately, those trips seemed too daunting, and so I went for something simpler. I decided to take you to San Antonio, my personal favorite city in the state, and probably the most tourist oriented.
I managed to convince my mom and sister (and her family) to come. Both your aunt (and her husband) and I went to college in San Antonio. And because my grandparents lived there, we spent lots of holidays in San Antonio together. It was a place of shared experiences, so it seemed natural to have a bit of a family reunion there.
Except that it was cheaper (and, thanks to the direct flight, faster) to fly into Austin. So we flew into Austin and drove down to San Antonio. Except, once we flew to Austin, we might as well spend a couple days. So that’s what we did.
Sadly, your mom wasn’t able to come. She had thrown her back out the week before, and her chiropractor / Chinese doctor suggested that a long flight was about the worst thing she could do for her recovery. Truth be told, I think your mom was relieved. After spending Thanksgiving in Mexico, Christmas in Seattle, and New Year’s in Orange County, your mom was a little travelled out. Plus, your mom has been under a bit more work stress than normal, with big deadlines moving (creating more work than usual) and organizational changes creating uncertainty and anxiety throughout her team. Once we decided your mom would stay home, she looked decidedly more relaxed; fortunately, I think she enjoyed her week of relative quiet, and recharged her batteries while we were gone.
We had travelled without your mom twice before, to Sacramento and Orange County last year. But this was our first flight together without your mom, which made me a little nervous. The night before we left, I asked the two of you for a little extra help. I explained that your mom and I typically tag team such that one of us keeps an eye on you, while the other takes care of tasks like checking in and printing board passes. I asked that you guys try to keep an eye on me at all times. And you guys were great. Leland, thanks to his extra years a maturity, was especially helpful. I could feel Leland keeping track of both me and Everett, particularly when we moved into transitional areas like security, the bathrooms, or baggage claim. Later that night, when I tried to complement Leland to your mom by saying he had been particularly helpful, he deflected saying “we both were”. My favorite anecdote: after we picked up the rental car and were driving away from the airport, Everett was asking me interesting and thoughtful questions about Texas. After answering a couple, I noticed I was getting overwhelmed, and explained that I was struggling with the car (I had adjusted the seats and mirror, but couldn’t figure out how to adjust the steering wheel, which was much too far away) and figuring out how to navigate the highway and where to go in the dark. After about four seconds, Everett asked another question. I was so preoccupied with driving I almost automatically started answering before Leland cut in: “Everett, dad JUST SAID he needs to concentrate on driving”. Leland was absolutely right, and I really appreciated him reminding both of us; I really did need to concentrate.
When we landed on Saturday, it was late afternoon California-time but dark in Texas. For our first stop, I took you to Whataburger, Texas’ version of In-n-Out (where the food is made to order, so not technically “fast food”). Everett wanted an avocado bacon burger, fully loaded. Um, okay; you’ve never had one of those, but sure. Leland wanted a burger (plain: just meat and bun) as well as chicken strips. We agreed to start with the burger, and get more if needed. I got a burger for me, plus fries and a chocolate shake to share. You all enjoyed the food, which thrilled me (I have fond memories of Whataburger; it was my personal go-to fast food option in high school). I took pictures of you happily eating, both to record for posterity, but also to send out to let family know our status. Sure enough, Leland finished his burger and asked for chicken strips. When I went back to order, the guy behind the counter said playfully but somewhat incredulously, “you’re coming back for more?!” I explained that this was your first trips to Texas, and that this was our first time at Whataburger. He chuckled something to the effect of “that explains the pictures”. When he dropped the chicken strips at the table, he joked “you guys are just having your own potluck here, huh?”.
This reminds me about what I think is the key difference between Californians and Texans. Though Californians are very left-leaning politically, there is something of a libertarian ethos in interpersonal interactions. Californians generally stay out of your business; they are more than willing to let you live how you want, and generally assume you prefer to be left alone. The upside is a freedom of movement and expression; the downside is that California can feel emotionally cold and distant, resulting in feelings of loneliness and isolation. Texans are somewhat the opposite: they are warm, friendly, and welcoming; the downside is they tend to be in your business, and don’t always take kindly to what they perceive as unusual behavior.
I forget who noticed it first, but we marveled over the size of the cups for the soda and the shake (I’m guessing the soda was 48oz, and the shake 36oz). I explained the saying “everything’s bigger in Texas”. The next morning, Leland asked me to start a list, onto which he proceeded to add items the rest of the trip. The final list: drinks, shakes, cars, ice, houses, burgers, flags, grills, BBQ, high school football stadiums, parking spaces, and grocery stores. That list fills me with an irrational amount of pride: you guys accurately captured a lot about Texas just in that list.
The first weekend of our trip happened to coincide with a “guys” trip planned by some of my college friends. So that Saturday night, after we got to our AirBnb, a couple of my friends came over. Everett convinced everyone to play Kids Create Absurdity, which was perfect. The next day (Sunday), we drove out to Lockhart to meet up with the larger group and eat some BBQ (which was awesome). They proceeded to go to a gun range, and we joined them. For better or worse, we didn’t shoot guns ourselves (I still haven’t ever fired a gun). Leland was pretty mesmerized watching, while Everett got bored and eventually got frustrated with all Dad’s talking. Fortunately, we needed to go pick up your Gran, so we left and drove back to the airport. We proceeded to eat some Tex Mex (Chuys, down in South Austin); Leland really enjoyed the fajitas; Everett not so much (though you particularly enjoyed the chips, rice, and beans).
Monday we toured around Austin. We started with breakfast tacos, a must in Austin. A couple of my friends met us at the taco joint for one last visit before they flew out, then proceeded to join us for miniature golf. After golf, we drove around the UT campus before parking near and exploring the Texas state capitol. We ate Indian food at the Clay Pit, which has been there since I lived in Austin 23 years ago. We visited where Gran went to seminary (after my sister and I finished college), and we stopped by Amy’s ice cream (another must in Austin) before heading back to our AirBnb.
My sister’s family flew in late Monday night. On Tuesday morning I picked up breakfast tacos for everyone. We feasted at the kitchen island of the AirBnb before packing up, checking out, and heading down to San Antonio. Tuesday was the only day forecast to have decent weather in San Antonio, so we decided to head straight downtown. We started at Market Square, an outdoor shopping area heavily influenced by San Antonio’s Mexican culture and heritage; my mom picked up something like 16 oz of pure vanilla extract, imported from Mexico, for $7. We ate lunch at La Margarita. Leland had chicken tacos, which came with a red sauce that looked like enchilada sauce to me; I was worried, but he really liked it. Everett was quite happy with his Camarones al Mojo de Ajo (shrimp broiled in a garlic-butter sauce). We proceeded to walk the River Walk, and then take a boat tour. Inside the Rivercenter Mall, Leland insisted on doing the SkyTrail ropes activity; Everett got scared and bailed early, but Leland and your cousins enjoyed the adventure of climbing and traversing as if up in treetops, secured by ropes.
Wednesday was cold and windy, and after a couple busy days we decided to take it easier. I think I let you guys play on your iPads in the morning. The adventure for the day was eating at Papacitos, where we got a combination of meats to make fajitas, including some shrimp for Everett. Back at the hotel, you kiddos spent 3 hours in the pool (thank goodness our hotel had an indoor pool).
Thursday was cold again, but we decided to brave the cold and visit Trinity, my alma mater. We waited until the afternoon, letting the temperatures get above freezing, and had a light lunch at Mama Margies (a fast-casual Tex Mex spot I hadn’t known previously, but which was excellent) before we left. The lunch outing helped us realize Everett was underdressed, so he and I went back to the hotel to put on warmer pants and an extra fleece. We gave you guys the Trinity tour, and I think all of us alumni particularly enjoyed being back on campus. One highlight was getting to hear a student practice the pipe organ in the chapel; Everett in particular seemed mesmerized (you really love listening to live music). Another was buying a few items (including a t-shirt and a water bottle for Leland, and a coffee mug for Everett) at the campus bookstore. After an hour or two in the pool, for dinner we travelled out to the original Rudy’s in Leon Springs. I first experienced that Rudy’s in college, approaching 30 years ago. Back then it was in the middle of nowhere. The area has since been annexed by San Antonio, and looks about as urban as the rest of the city. But Rudy’s will always have a special place in my heart: the attached gas station and convenient store, the wax paper “plates”, the picnic bench tables, and of course the food: Rudy’s is low-fuss the way Texas BBQ existed traditionally. We finished by introducing you boys to Blue Bell ice cream, along with the experience of buying groceries at HEB.
Friday we went to the Natural Bridge Caverns, which had the benefit of being underground and thus naturally climate-controlled in the 70s. On the way home we made our final Tex Mex stop (our fifth, for those counting), at the Chuys where my family used to eat when we got together (well, after the location moved from the original, but we’ll still count it). Leland had chicken strips (fair enough, it had been a lot of Tex Mex), Everett had a quesadilla; both of you enjoyed some fresh tortillas with your rice and beans. Plus I got you both virgin margaritas this time (openly acknowledging my attempt to bribe you into wanting to come back to Texas). After another couple hours in the pool, I took you to HEB to pick up an evening snack (potstickers for Leland, spam musubi for Everett), plus a little more Blue Bell.
On Saturday after breakfast we checked out, said goodbye to your cousins and their parents, and drove your Gran to the airport. At your request, after we dropped Gran off we made one last stop at Whataburger. We enjoyed burgers, chicken strips, and shakes one last time before heading to the airport. Check-in and security went fast, so we had some time to kill. We got Amy’s ice cream for you and an adult refreshment for Dad before boarding our plane. On the flight home, as is his recent habit, Leland threw up during landing. Unfortunately, this time he dropped the open barf bag on his seat while reaching for a napkin. Leland had to walk through the airport with a pant leg wet with vomit. Fortunately, our luggage came out quickly, and he was able to change before your mom picked us up to drive us home.
I’ve gone into painstaking detail on the trip. I hope you’ll indulge me; these details are precious to me. But I do have a few overarching observations. First, it really was great to get back to Texas. I felt some sort of resonance with place that I really appreciated and probably kinda needed. I don’t have any intention to move back to Texas (though goodness it would be cheaper), but I also do plan to go back more often moving forward. Singapore and Covid are behind us, and I plan to stay connected to my home state. Silly things, like just being in an HEB, brought me joy. I don’t know how anyone created a grocery store that inspires such love and affection in me, but I always loved HEB, and especially appreciate it now that I have lived without.
Everett continued his sporadic trend of exploring his independence. One morning you got dressed and ready in a focused, somewhat hurried manner; I’ve noticed this manner usually precedes an effort to assert independence. You then asked if you could go down to breakfast alone; we quickly went through some safety protocol, agreed on where to meet, and confirmed you remembered our room number before I said yes. When I met you downstairs you had picked out your breakfast: cinnamon raisin bread, Lucky Charms cereal, and juice. That’s…not a breakfast your mom and I would normally allow, but I decided to let you explore your independence…once I added some milk to the mix. You proceeded to have that same breakfast the next two days (sometimes trading a hard boiled egg for the milk). I’ve enjoyed watching you explore your independence. As the youngest, you still like being babied sometimes; but you are also clearly realizing you have new capabilities, and are clearly motivated to practice using those newfound skills. I’m proud of you, and enjoy watching you grow.
Sleeping arrangements were somewhat entertaining. In Austin we slept in nearby bedrooms, one with a queen bed and the other with bunk beds. Everett wanted to sleep in the queen bed with Dad, while Leland wanted to sleep in the bunk beds…but Leland wanted Everett to sleep in the other bunk bed, like we do at home. Our eventual compromise: the first two nights you guys went to sleep in the bunk beds while I visited (the first night with my friends, the next night with my mom), and then scooped Everett up to join me when I went to bed. The third night in Austin we all slept in the same bed, and learned that a queen bed was a little too small for the three of us. In San Antonio our hotel had two queen beds. We stayed four nights, and Leland wanted for the two of you to take turns sleeping with Dad. Everett was having none of it: he wanted to sleep with Dad every night. Leland finally negotiated to be able to sleep with Dad the last night; I almost wondered if Everett just couldn’t be bothered to worry about something so many days out. As the older brother, Leland dominates most competitions and even most negotiations. Everett was more than willing to sleep all three of us in the same bed, but was completely unwilling to sleep alone. So, in a strange way, it was nice to see Everett get his way in a negotiation with his brother. I didn’t participate at all, and to your credit you guys worked it out between you. On the last day, Leland took at three hour nap, so I let him stay up later than usual. One benefit: I was able to lie down with Everett and put him to sleep before joining Leland; all seemed happy with this arrangement.
And now, I’m glad to be home again, attempting to get back into a rhythm. We counted six weeks until spring break, and then after that eight weeks until summer. I look forward to spending spring break and summer with you boys, but I also plan to cherish the fourteen weeks of routine and relative downtime before then.
Oh, and your mom says we all came home with chubbier cheeks versus when we left; she’s not wrong: I noticed it too. So routine will be good for us, just in terms of us all getting back in shape a bit. But the Tex Mex and ice cream were so good, I have no regrets.
I love you both. Thank you, sincerely, for going to Texas with me.
Love,
Dad
Letters to Leland 