April 17, 2024
Dear Leland and Everett,
Last week was spring break. I took the two of you on a trip to Sacramento. It was a trip I truly loved, and one I hope the two of you will remember.
Since quitting my job last year, I’ve dreamed of traveling with the two of you. Last summer I wanted to take you on an extended, multi-week road trip. I am a dreamer. Your mom is a worrier. In this regard, we complement each other well, and you mom helpfully talked me out of a trip I was (in retrospect) plainly ill-prepared to take. Even this spring break I originally considered more ambitious travel before your mom reigned me into something more manageable.
Ultimately we landed on taking you to Sacramento for four days, three nights. We spent the weekends with your mom, and your mom even took Monday off to spend extra time with us. Sacramento is a relatively short distance from home, so the travel wouldn’t be too overwhelming. I’d been to Sacramento once, so the location wasn’t totally foreign. Three nights wasn’t so long that, if the trip proved less enjoyable or more taxing than anticipated, we might feel stuck. In short, this trip was a bit of a test to see if we could travel together, finding and working out kinks along the way, before we undertake more ambitious trips in the future.
We were even able to take a train, which in addition to being its own adventure saved me the energy of driving. Your mom dropped us off Tuesday morning at the local train station, and we arrived in Sacramento around noon. The train station is helpfully located downtown; we were able to walk to our hotel, stopping for a pizza lunch along the way. At the hotel, you two just wanted to swim in the hotel pool, and so we did. We spent the afternoon at the pool. The hotel had a complimentary happy hour, which we explored. You guys weren’t interested in going out for dinner, which turned out fine: lunch was sufficiently filling that the happy hour snacks (combined with a few pizza leftovers) were enough to satisfy our dinner needs.
Heading back up to the room Everett asked “Dad, can we watch hockey?” We’ve never watched hockey together, and I have no interest in hockey myself, so I was a bit perplexed by the question. In retrospect, I suspect a couple things happened: first, one of the TVs in the hotel was showing a hockey game; second, on Monday Mom took Everett ice skating for the first time…so my suspicion is that you recognized the hockey on TV related to the activity you just experienced, and wanted to watch. Fortunately our room was a suite with two TVs, so I was able to let you two watch hockey in one room while I watched NBA basketball in the other room (it was the last week of the regular season, with most teams jockeying for playoff seeding, so there were lots of great games last week).
The next morning after breakfast (our hotel had a breakfast buffet, which was sorta fun to explore with the two of you) we headed to the zoo. Turns out Sacramento has a pretty great zoo. They had lots of cool animals to see without the park being overwhelmingly large. We were able to see the whole zoo rather comfortably, without either of you getting too tired or whiny. I particularly enjoyed how close were were able to get to the lion, alligator, and giraffes (especially the lion: we were less than an arm’s length away, which gave me a new appreciation for a lion’s sheer size and presence). Leland seemed to most enjoy the reptiles, housed in a building full of snake and lizard and frog displays.
There were no restaurants near the zoo, so we headed back to our hotel, near where there were several. To my surprise, you two weren’t remotely interested in going out for lunch. And then I looked around: our hotel had a wonderful atrium, with five TVs showing sports (including the Masters), there were comfy couches and chairs, and there weren’t too many people around. The atmosphere was honestly pretty great, and in retrospect we weren’t likely to find something more inviting. And so, we ordered lunch right there, partaking in more pizza for Leland, and corndogs and mac and cheese for Everett. I explained the Masters to you, the other TVs showed football highlights (the NFL draft is coming up) which you enjoyed…and honestly we just sat there enjoying our food, the sports on TV, and the general atmosphere together.
After lunch it was time to return to the pool, where we spend two and a half hours. After that I was surprised you didn’t want to go out for dinner, but making another dinner out of happy hour and leftovers turned out just about right for our appetites. Back in our rooms, you guys watched some Mr. Beast on YouTube before joining me to watch some basketball.
On Thursday after breakfast and some more pool time, we actually changed hotels. We were going to watch the Kings game that night, and I wanted to stay as close to the game as possible (knowing the game would end after your normal bed times, and wanting to get you to bed as quickly as possible once the game ended). Our plan was to go visit the capitol, but you guys weren’t that ambitious. Instead we found a bar with miniature golf, where we played a couple rounds. Afterward we walked to a nearby Chinese restaurant, which served a welcome change of pace from pizza for everyone. We sat down to eat around 3pm, which worked out pretty perfectly: we had some time to rest at our hotel before the game, and weren’t particularly hungry for stadium food once we got there (though we did manage to find room for some popcorn and ice cream in the 2nd half).
We went to the game early, because I wanted to see shootaround. I had never watched shootaround before and so was curious. Also, I was hopeful to impress the players’ size on you by getting closer before most fans arrived. The Kings were playing the Pelicans, and we were able to watch De’Aaron Fox, Domantas Sabonis, and Brandon Ingram go through their extended pregame routines up close. When I pointed out that I wanted you to appreciate how tall the players were I said “for example, look at Fox; on TV, he looks like a little guy”. Leland said “he IS a little guy”. I responded “well, he’s as tall as your dad”. Leland’s tone in response (“oh”) implied this idea was sinking in.
I splurged for good seats (funny aside: neither you nor your mom thought our seats were particularly good; your grandparents and uncle had more appreciation, having paid for tickets to NBA games themselves. Perspective is everything). The Kings and Pelicans were both jockeying for playoff seeding. As advertised, the Kings home crowd was awesome. Though none of us particularly care about the Kings, all three of us wound up rooting for the team. Leland enthusiastically chanted “DE-FENSE” with the crowd throughout the game; Everett eventually joined as well (Leland even credits Everett for starting some of the chants, a detail I do not remember). Sadly the Kings lost, but it was an exciting, well-played game and a pretty great time.
One observation: as kids, you guys particularly enjoy the in-game entertainment during the commercials. At one point we all needed to go to the restroom, but decided to watch the performers dunking off of trampolines before we left our seats as the game was resuming. Later the team fired nerf basketballs into the stands. Everett clearly wanted one, but our seats were too far away for the balls to reach us. Fortunately Everett is young and cute: as fans were leaving (Leland wanted to stay in our seats for a bit after the game ended), two different fans handed Everett the basketballs they had caught. It was a wonderfully kind gesture, and I was particularly happy for Everett that he managed to secure a basketball not only for himself, but one for his brother (so that you won’t be tempted to fight over it).
The next morning we found a French bakery, where Everett particularly enjoyed his dad’s strawberry croissant (which turned out to be filled with cream, to Everett’s delight) while Leland protested that Starbucks is better (it was not: this bakery was delightful). After a brief rest in the room we checked out, picked up Chipotle, and walked to the train station. As we walked to the train station, Everett confessed earnestly: “Dad, I think I did root for the Kings, a little bit”. I don’t think you had intended nor wanted to root for anyone. I had predicted that we might want to root for the home team, because rooting for the home team is fun. Everett protested, so I think this was an admission that Dad had been right.
The Friday afternoon train was far more crowded than the Tuesday morning train. As we waited for the train doors to open we planned: when the doors opened, you two darted through the crowd to get us seats with a table where we could face each other and eat our lunch, while I found spots for our luggage. You succeeded in finding us great seats, and we enjoyed our lunch while playing guessing games. We finished the trip with you playing iPad games while I read a magazine. Your mom picked us up from the train station, and I doubt I’ll ever forget your excitement as your mom pulled up. You each ran toward the car, jumping and yelling “Mommy!” over and over; the surge in your energy levels was palpable. How adorable.
You spent the weekend reconnecting with your mom and settling back in at home. It was great.
The whole trip and experience was great, and so we’ve all agreed that Dad can take you on trips in the future. This summer we have plans to drive down to visit your Uncle in SoCal, as well as to fly up and see your grandparents and cousins in Washington.
My big takeaway from the trip, other than being an experience I will cherish forever, is that it wasn’t about me. The trip was about you, and about us sharing time and an experience together. Many times a little voice in my head would say things like “we should go out for dinner” or “we should go visit the capitol”. Generally the voice in my head was telling me we should be more ambitious with our activity. Fortunately I’ve learned to notice when the voice in my head uses words like “should” or “need”. That’s fear, scarcity, ego. That voice isn’t helpful. And so, on this trip, I was able to overrule that voice. In the process I was able to avoid trying to force us to do things that you didn’t want to do. I was able to let the trip unfold organically. To be clear, this doesn’t mean we always did what you wanted, or that we never did what I wanted. Rather, what I mean is that I was able to set the boundaries that mattered and ignore the ones that didn’t. Pretty much invariably, you both responded positively. You had minimal fighting between the two of you. You rarely argued or pushed back on me. In fact, you barely misbehaved at all.
I certainly don’t want to take all the credit. You guys behaved wonderfully. I remember talking to each of you individually the day before the trip. I explained that I was nervous, and asked for your help and support. Leland was surprised I was nervous, and so I explained: it was our first trip together, and while I was confident it would go well, I was still nervous. I compared it to how you, Leland, feel before a basketball game: it’s normal to be nervous, even if you feel prepared and confident. And I did: I felt like we were ready to have a great trip together, and we did. I’ll forever remember that trip, and your contributions toward it. Hopefully, I’ll also remember that I did a pretty good job of practicing presence, and that presence was my own contribution to us having a wonderful time together.
It’s a couple months until summer, and more travel together. I am now getting pretty darn excited.
I love you both. Thank you for everything you do, and everything you are.
Love,
Dad
Letters to Leland 